Stephen Kahn

You can take the hen out of the cretaceous…

In Humor on September 19, 2011 at 12:25 pm

My wife has reconciled herself that
Little Peep has gone to the great roost in the sky. We are now down
to two hens and two pullets, now almost full grown. Of the hens, only
Big Mama is still laying. “It’s a good thing I am so soft-hearted,”
says my wife of Big Moll. My wife is divided between her desire to
have farm birds that pay their way with eggs and loveable pets that
keep us company. The chickens will really come home to roost when we
have dozens of non-laying hens and no roost for them. (No way am I
building another hen house.)

Lucy, the leader of the pullets, can
not yet challenge Big Mama as the leader of the hen pack. Yesterday,
I saw a large ground beetle near the chicken run. My wife has said,
“These are helpful beetles. They eat garden pests. Don’t feel them
to the chickens.”

My wife was not home to stop me. I
picked up the beetle and dropped it into the chicken run, “Listen,
Lucy,” I said, “I brought you a pet. Be nice to it. It will
follow you around. Protect it from the other hens.”

“Yeah, right” said Lucy, the little
dinosaur (As you may know, birds are the modern remnants of
dinosaurs.) Then she savagely tore the beetle apart and chowed down.
You can take the chicken out of the cretaceous but you can’t take the
tyrannosaurus out of the chicken.

  1. THis time of year my wife like to follect grasshoppers in a coffee can. Once she has about 10-15, she shakes the can hard, removes the lid, and tosses them into the chickens. What a feeding frenzy!

  2. We haven’t had many grasshoppers yet in our part of the state. There have been a few termites and flying ants, but they are hard to collect.

  3. You know there have been recent suggestions that the Tyrannosaurus may have been a scavenger? Seriously, with those little arms how could they kill much, anyway?

    • I don’t know if Tranny was a scavenger or a full-blown predator, and I’m not sure if he was that certain on the matter either. I imagine that a vulture encountering a mouse does not quibble that much about whether it’s supposed to be on his diet or not, and if T-Rex came across me he probably would not worry his or her pretty little head about the matter that much either.

  4. I also all your attention to his recent discovery of an ancient chicken ancestor I would not like to meet on a dark night. In fact, Lucy, a very pecky pullet, has told me that if she can track down a survivor on an island somewhere, as in the movie about dinosaurs in modern times, I will have a lot to apologize for, especially as my wife and I had chicken dinner the other night.

  5. I am delighted to hear that their dinosaur DNA is still alive and actively shaping behaviour from deep inside your chickens 🙂

  6. Last night, while I was trying to put her to bed, Lucy pecked me at least twenty times. Fortunately, the dinosaur DNA is attenuated enough that I survived. I tried to peck her back, but she was unimpressed and un-intimidated. In fact, Ethel, who is quite a wimp, was so influenced by her naughty sister that she pecked me as well. I am indeed henpecked.

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