Stephen Kahn


In Good news on March 24, 2011 at 11:01 pm

I am going to a Red Cross meeting this evening. I tried to take a CPR class last week but there was a mix-up on the schedule, so no one was there to teach the class. A friend of mine pointed out to me to a video from the American Heart Association.

I hope that no one at the meeting tonight needs cpr while I am there. If someone does, I  hope at least one of the people attending jumps in and applies it, while I am scrabbling out my cell phone and dialing 911. However, if all else fails, I now have an idea what to do and if I break the victim’s ribs, they will forgive me if they are revived.

  1. The cool thing is that even if they don’t forgive you, you’d be protected under the aptly named “Good Samaritan Law.” The fact that there is even a need for such a law says a lot about our degenerate society.

  2. Thank you, David. I feel even more prepared, as I carefully head for the Red Cross meeting tonight. It will be held inside a church which also serves as a shelter, with a generator and a stock of emergency food supplies. I will be able to eat, stay warm, and pray.

  3. It always amazes me, the cavalier manner in which doctors on TV shows jump up and down on a patient’s chest when performing CPR. Presumably the word ‘performing’ explains it; otherwise I entirely fail to see how pumping someone’s heart at a rate that only an elite athlete would be able to maintain for more than a second or two could possibly be helpful.

  4. Woo, while I try to reconcile myself in a cheerful way to the certainy that I will expire, I find that thinking too much about the details is something of a downer. Today, I visited my doctor who told me his chickens are fine and then after some examination told me that my arteries and veins are still doing well and that the pains I have been getting in legs are nothing more than that old bugaboo–tendonitis. Then he got down on the floor and showed me the appropriate exercise to do. I have to love a doctor who is also a method actor.

    Fortunately, he didn’t need to do CPR on me and I did not have to perform it on him. The thought of doing it terrifies me, as does the thought of having it performed on me. I have spoken over the last year with three people who have performed CPR. It’s supposed to rarely be successful, but my “random sample” had a 2/3 success rate. The cop saved a life and was named cop of the year. The woman in my driver safety class also saved a life, and didn’t break any ribs. The volunteer fireman said the victim did not live. The local library also has “shock paddles” hanging on a wall, just to be sophisticated. It all freaks me out; I hope my readers are made of stronger stuff than I am.

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